Dear Hollywood: Stop Making Movies that Make Me Want to Throw Up.

Time for a completely non-comic related rant.

So anyways, after reading the title I’m sure you think this is going to be some sort of lecture about how Hollywood movies just aren’t nearly intellectual enough for a genius like me or are morally reprehensible filth and that’s why they make me sick. That’s not that case…I happen to like stupid filth. No, more and more movies these days literally make me feel ill…to the point where I have to leave the theatre and feel lousy for an hour or more afterwards.

Apparently it’s recently been concluded that actual skill and thought is somewhat overrated when it comes to directing movies. Instead they’ve decided the thing to do is give people handheld video cameras then have them run around the set at random as the actors deliver their lines, shooting footage that bounces and shakes wildly, and zooms in and out on the actor’s faces with no rhyme or reason. And this is just when they’re talking…if something actually starts to happen, forget about it. I could throw a running video camera down a flight of stairs and get something that’s easier to follow than the action scenes in some of these shaky-cam movies.

I’m not sure what the point of this is. I mean, these films still cost 10s of millions of dollars…why would you want to spend all that and end up with something that looks like a home movie? The other day I watched “Once Upon a Time in the West” by Sergio Leone again. That movie is a towering monument of awesomeness. Each and every shot is a beautifully framed work of art…Leone can make two guys staring at each other intently more thrilling that an entire Jason Bourne movie (which are horrible shaky-cam offenders. If they weren’t the only movies still giving the lovely Julia Stiles work, I wouldn’t watch ‘em).

But the worst thing about these movies is that they actually make me feel sick. I’d never ever had this happen to me before, but in the last year I’ve had to get up and take a breather from no less than 3 movies because I thought I was in imminent danger of dousing the person sitting in front of me in stomach acid. I thought maybe I was just over sensitive (I’ve always had a problem with motion sickness) but reading around online, I’ve found this is a common problem. Particularly in relation to the latest Jason Bourne movie, I’ve read accounts of women and children suddenly explosively vomiting in the middle of the theatre as they try to watch the film. This wouldn’t fly with anything else. Could you imagine if there was a TV show that made 10 or 20% of the audience physically ill? Or a videogame? They’d get pulled right away…I’m not sure how the movie industry is getting away with it.

So yeah Hollywood, if you could stop making me feel like I have to puke when I pay 8 bucks to watch one of your films, that would be great. Oh…and while you’re at it, no more Rob Schneider movies either. Thanks.

Character Profile: Baker!

Name: Baker
Species: He’s a sheep!
Breed: Poll Merino
Astrological Sign: Scorpio
Beauty Secret: Weekly hoof pedicures.

The fluffy hero of our scintillating story! Baker lives a quiet and rather dull life, but is actually relatively content with his humdrum existence with one of his few big dreams being to finally defeat the Wall and at last meet up with his dear friend Shandy. Baker loves Shandy but has never met her face to face, and in fact doesn’t even know that she’s actually a monkey (he imagines her to be another sheep like him). Baker has an impressive knack for getting into trouble, often through no fault of his own…a fact that has led to some bouts with depression. Baker was separated from his family while young, had to essentially raise himself and as such tends to internalize his thoughts and feelings and is closed off to even his closest friends to a certain extent. Life in the petting Zoo has steadily become more complicated as Rose, a kind (and cute) girl sheep, arrived on the scene a while back…Baker finds himself drawn to her in a way he perhaps hasn’t felt with anyone before, even Shandy. Baker’s rogues gallery of villains also expands as he not only has to contend with his enemy the Wall but the cute-but-sadistic lemur Mortimer, which whom he seems to be establishing a not so friendly rivalry.

I'll be posting more profiles in the future and you'll be able to access them all at This Link!

I'm in the Mood for some High-minded Literary Discussion.

I read (or had read to me) most of the children’s classics as a kid. Narnia, the Hobbit, Huckleberry Finn, Roald Dahl's books and so on...and yet I can tell you with 100% certainty that they all paled in comparison to a much greater work of literature that would show up at our house each year in late September. The Sears Christmas catalogue.

The part that mattered to me was of course the back 30 or 40 pages devoted to toys and videogames. I would pore over every single item, examine the pictures under a microscope and read the descriptions until I knew them by heart. I'm not afraid to admit I was even familiar with the bright pink pages devoted to Barbie, pooping plastic dolls and other girl toys. Even boring stuff like furniture, towels and home appliances got a look...everything except clothes. If I was caught looking at the clothes page my parents might get ideas and nothing was more disappointing than shaking a present under the tree and hearing that tell-tale muffled "clothes" sound.

Unfortunately I don't get the catalogue anymore. One more reason I'd like to go back to being 10. I used to draw cooler stuff back then too...less cute animals, more Batman punching guys in the face and Batman punching guys in the face pretty much trumps everything.

"I wonder what kind of sheep she is?" "I wonder what kind of monkey he is?"

I'm about to share with you a deep dark secret never before revealed on this site. Zoology isn't the first comic I created...yes, earlier in life I had a torrid affair with another comic strip. Me and Zoology have an understanding about this.

Here it is.

(Note: Don't bother with the archive dropdown, it no longer works for some reason...just use the next/previous buttons).

"Of Monkeys and Mutton" was the precursor to Zoology...Zoology Beta if you will. Unlike Zoology that has a very loose format, following a number of different characters or groups of characters, Of Monkeys and Mutton followed Baker and Shandy only.

Of Monkeys and Mutton also had a really cheesy title...I still cringe to write it. There's a reason why I went with the ultra-simple "Zoology" for my follow up attempt at a comic strip.

I thought going for a very restrictive gimmick/concept for the strip would really get my creative juices flowing and masterful sequential art would be flowing from my pen like nobody's business as a result. Didn't really work out that way. It was too restrictive, and as you can see within about a dozen strips I was already introducing new characters, thus straying outside the original concept.

Still, out of this failed attempt that didn't even make it 20 strips, blossomed a much better one that's gone nearly 400. Shandy and Baker arguably remain the heart of Zoology and this is where they started (they certainly look different these days though...particularly Shandy. She must be hitting the gym, because she looked pretty stickish back in the day, didn't she?).

Character Profile: Shandy!

Name: Shandy
Species: Rhesus Macaque (Macaca mulatta)
Astrological Sign: Aries
Favorite Foods: Nachos, cheese, nachos and cheese or cheese and nachos.

Baker’s friend from the other side of the wall. She doesn’t get along with the other monkeys in her cage particularly well, so hangs out and talks to Baker instead. Shandy’s feelings for him don’t seem to be as strong as his for her…but despite her sometimes cold treatment of Baker, she will occasionally let slip something that reveals that she cares more about him than she lets on. Shandy may sometimes seem to have a silly, frivolous personality, but she’s actually quite smart, tough and stubborn when she wants to be. Her self esteem can be kind of low sometimes and in fact she wishes she was one of the human's who pass her cage and thus tries to dress, eat and act like them. She also happens to be a dancin' machine and when nobody's around to hear she likes to sing.

I'll be posting more profiles in the future and you'll be able to access them all at This Link!

This Title is for the Birds...(check out that pun, no wonder I write a comic).

There's been a lot of random birds in Zoology over the years and yet I've never actually made a reoccurring character out of any of them. It just seems natural to have them appear in my mind...no matter where you are outside there's a bird watching overhead somewhere isn't there? Plotting perhaps.

They usually show up in Zoology in order to provide an outside perspective or sarcastic comment on the wackiness that goes on below in the zoo. Well, that or the time I had one with bird flu show up out of nowhere. Not sure what I was thinking that week (other than I was tired of hearing bird flu stories on the news).

Anyways, the point of all this is I kind of like the mailbird. I think he may have what it takes to be a reoccurring character. Besides, he solves various writing dilemmas as now animals in different parts of the zoo can freely communicate (well, not exactly freely).

Of course I don't exactly need a new character or anything...too many of the darn things running around already.

A Sheep by any Other Name...

So, as you may have noticed Rose the Sheep has shown up again after not appearing for a while. I like Rose...I think she's one of the cutest character designs I've come up with, but a number of people have told me they don't like her. You shouldn't let her hear you say that, she has a bit of a temper.

I think a lot of this stems from the fact that people see her as "competition" for Shandy. I know everyone (well, everyone out of the 10 people who read the comic) likes Shandy, but there's no need to hate on poor Rose! Her relationship with Baker is different than Shandy's (and I admit it's my fault for maybe not making the differences clear enough). She does make life at the petting zoo more complicated though.

Anywho, something fairly big is going to happen with her sometime down the line. Maybe she'll walk off into the sunset for good...or maybe it'll be the opposite and she'll be around a lot more often! Who knows? Well I do, but I'm not telling.

Look at me! I'm on the Bandwagon!

So...I've got my ear on the pulse of today's youth, and in between discussions of rap music and baggy pants I keep hearing about this new thing called "Blogging" and since Zoology is always on the cutting edge of Internet trends I thought I'd give it a shot.

To be serious, I'd originally intended the "Rantings, Ravings and Vital Information" section of the site to be Blog-like, but it's such a pain in the arse entering every message using raw HTML in Notepad that I only ended up updating the thing every 2 months or something (yes, that's right...I updated this site with raw HTML in Notepad for 2 years).

Anyways, I know this will be a letdown since I'm a fascinating guy, but I won't be talking about my personal life here. I will be updating with the various thought processes that go into making Zoology though, as well as various completely random musings I'm sure (which may or may not have anything to do with the comic).

And hey, feel free to leave comments! I value any feedback I can get...positive or negative, it doesn't matter, just give me the attention I desperately crave.